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Why do people cheat when they are happily married? Counseling in Dubai

The phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is often used to describe people who have cheated on their partner, even if it is a single incident and the general idea is that people who cheat do not care for or love their partner, however, how much truth is behind this? Does a person who has cheated on their partner have no hope in being trustworthy again? If a person consistently cheats on or lies to their partner, does this mean they don’t care at all for their relationship?


Being in a relationship with someone who has cheated or lies constantly can be demoralizing, can impact a person’s self-confidence, self-esteem and make them doubt their worth. It can also be very easy to want to give up because, naturally, we are made to believe if someone treats us poorly, they do not love us or care for us.


In fact, being cheated on several times is why people come to me as an anxiety therapist in Dubai or seek depression treatment in Dubai as it makes them question their whole life. 


However, for serial cheaters, it isn’t a simple case of not loving or caring for their partner. There are so many more contributing factors that need to be considered in order to understand why a person takes actions that may hurt others, and this is what I want to shed some light on this.


As I often get asked by serial liars and serial cheaters – why do I lie when I Love My Partner?


According to the LA Intelligence Detective Agency “Stats show that 56% of men and 34% of women who commit infidelity rate their marriages as happy or very happy” which makes this topic even more interesting as it is often assumed only unhappy people would cheat, however, from my many years of working as a relationship and life coach in Dubai and around the world, I know this statistic is spot on.


In fact, one of the most popular reasons people book my 3-day intensive breakthrough program is because either they or their husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend want to get to the root of why they lie or cheat. Understandably, both the person being cheated on and the person who does the cheating need answers and I find my breakthrough program allows individuals to explore what they have been through that has pushed them towards hurtful behaviors like serial lying or cheating.


There are so many reasons why a person may continue to cheat or lie, even after seeing how much pain their actions are causing their partner, which often have nothing to do with their partner, and more to do with themselves and their experiences. Some of the most common reasons I will list below –


In fact, being cheated on several times is why people come to me as an anxiety therapist Dubai, seek depression treatment in Dubai or other individual counseling Dubai or online with me…


  • They are people pleasers – People who always want to please others at the cost of their own happiness do so because they are seeking external validation – they feel good when others are praising them or validating their existence. This often happens because they didn’t get the love and kindness they needed as a child and so as they grew up, they recognized how their behaviour could get them approval and praise – which in turn makes them feel good.


  • Often people with please pleasing personality feel low confidence and insecure and might seek anxiety counseling dubaiand depression treatment in dubai.


Like Aaron who was deeply in love with his wife of 10 years, however he struggled to resist temptation when other women flirted with him – he loved the feeling he got when someone wanted him – it made him feel worthy, attractive and gave a boost to his ego. Through the breakthrough session we were able to identify that he never had a good relationship with his dad and was always trying to seek his dad’s approval – he learned at an early age that pleasing others gets him a good reaction and so this turned into an unhealthy habit as an adult.


  • They have a fear of confrontation – Addressing issues with loved ones isn’t easy for everyone and for some, they have a deep fear of confronting someone they love because they do not want to hurt them or fear the conversation may turn into an argument where harsh words can be thrown about, so they choose to lie or cheat instead as it avoids the risk of confrontation.


If a person has grown up being shut down every time, they share their thoughts and feelings or they have been in abusive relationships where conversations were aggressive if they didn’t agree with their partner, they will try to protect themselves by avoiding any issues and resorting to lying or cheating.


This was the case for Christina who was previously in a long-term relationship with a guy who never let her express herself, he was very controlling and so Christina learnt to suppress her voice to avoid any verbal or physical abuse.


As an anxiety therapist in Dubai I helped Christina, she came to me asking for depression treatment in Dubai and relationship counseling in Dubai to make sure that she doesn’t have an abusive relationship again. As it made her question whether she could be in a relationship again.


  • They don’t know how to say no – People who consistently lie or cheat may struggle to say no to others and so, they find themselves in compromising situations. It is a known fact that we want to feel connected or feel like we belong somewhere, however, by saying no to someone, a person may fear they are putting their relationship at risk, as saying no could be misinterpreted as rejection or rudeness. Additionally, we seem to be living in a time where “yes culture” is more favorable as it is often the path to better things like promotions at work. Always saying yes to someone can make others feel good but it’s not being honest to the person who means more to you, and honesty is key in healthy relationships.


This is something Samuel experienced both professionally and in his personal life. He was agreeing to things that he knew would put him in a compromising situation with his wife, however, he didn’t have the heart to say no to women who were clinging to him. He purposely gravitated towards women who needed help, who were financially poor or going through difficult times. This made him feel superior because by making them happy, he felt like he had a purpose in life and gave him a much-needed ego boost.


He did my breakthrough program as he was looking for couples counseling in Dubai and depression treatment in Dubai.


  • Love the attention – If a person is feeling alone, lacking confidence or have always been overlooked in life because others were louder or more confident, they may develop attention seeking habits. This often means in relationships, having the love of their husband or wife isn’t enough so they seek out other people who shower them with attention and give them the attention they need to feel seen.
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This came up in one of the individual breakthrough intensive sessions I did with a client Sean who was looking for confidence and an anxiety therapist counseling. He grew up in foster care and moved from home to home until he was finally adopted at the age of 10. Sean was never shown real love and never had much attention. Even though his adoptive family were loving, he wasn’t the only child and being the quiet one, he was often left to do his own thing whilst the children who were loud and obnoxious were given more attention. This turned into a constant need for attention, regardless of where it came from and who he hurt in the process – his inner child needed the validation that he was seen because he was overlooked so often as a child.


If any of what I have shared so far resonates with you, whether you are the person who is struggling to stop lying or cheating, or if you are the partner of someone who is a serial cheater or serial liar, I want you to know there are steps you can take to overcome this and rebuild your connection as a couple and enjoy a thriving relationship.

Riti SajitRiti Sajit
06:58 25 Mar 23
Nicola is a wonderful human 🤍 Thank you for helping me through my difficult time.Still living by your words and advice. I would definitely recommend anyone needing relationship counseling to try Nicola :)
Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!