Why do people cheat when they are happily married? Counseling in Dubai
The phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is often used to describe people who have cheated on their partner, even if it is a single incident and the general idea is that people who cheat do not care for or love their partner, however, how much truth is behind this? Does a person who has cheated on their partner have no hope in being trustworthy again? If a person consistently cheats on or lies to their partner, does this mean they don’t care at all for their relationship?
Being in a relationship with someone who has cheated or lies constantly can be demoralizing, can impact a person’s self-confidence, self-esteem and make them doubt their worth. It can also be very easy to want to give up because, naturally, we are made to believe if someone treats us poorly, they do not love us or care for us.
In fact, being cheated on several times is why people come to me as an anxiety therapist in Dubai or seek depression treatment in Dubai as it makes them question their whole life.
However, for serial cheaters, it isn’t a simple case of not loving or caring for their partner. There are so many more contributing factors that need to be considered in order to understand why a person takes actions that may hurt others, and this is what I want to shed some light on this.
As I often get asked by serial liars and serial cheaters – why do I lie when I Love My Partner?
According to the LA Intelligence Detective Agency “Stats show that 56% of men and 34% of women who commit infidelity rate their marriages as happy or very happy” which makes this topic even more interesting as it is often assumed only unhappy people would cheat, however, from my many years of working as a relationship and life coach in Dubai and around the world, I know this statistic is spot on.
In fact, one of the most popular reasons people book my 3-day intensive breakthrough program is because either they or their husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend want to get to the root of why they lie or cheat. Understandably, both the person being cheated on and the person who does the cheating need answers and I find my breakthrough program allows individuals to explore what they have been through that has pushed them towards hurtful behaviors like serial lying or cheating.
There are so many reasons why a person may continue to cheat or lie, even after seeing how much pain their actions are causing their partner, which often have nothing to do with their partner, and more to do with themselves and their experiences. Some of the most common reasons I will list below –
In fact, being cheated on several times is why people come to me as an anxiety therapist Dubai, seek depression treatment in Dubai or other individual counseling Dubai or online with me…
- They are people pleasers – People who always want to please others at the cost of their own happiness do so because they are seeking external validation – they feel good when others are praising them or validating their existence. This often happens because they didn’t get the love and kindness they needed as a child and so as they grew up, they recognized how their behaviour could get them approval and praise – which in turn makes them feel good.
- Often people with please pleasing personality feel low confidence and insecure and might seek anxiety counseling dubaiand depression treatment in dubai.
Like Aaron who was deeply in love with his wife of 10 years, however he struggled to resist temptation when other women flirted with him – he loved the feeling he got when someone wanted him – it made him feel worthy, attractive and gave a boost to his ego. Through the breakthrough session we were able to identify that he never had a good relationship with his dad and was always trying to seek his dad’s approval – he learned at an early age that pleasing others gets him a good reaction and so this turned into an unhealthy habit as an adult.
- They have a fear of confrontation – Addressing issues with loved ones isn’t easy for everyone and for some, they have a deep fear of confronting someone they love because they do not want to hurt them or fear the conversation may turn into an argument where harsh words can be thrown about, so they choose to lie or cheat instead as it avoids the risk of confrontation.
If a person has grown up being shut down every time, they share their thoughts and feelings or they have been in abusive relationships where conversations were aggressive if they didn’t agree with their partner, they will try to protect themselves by avoiding any issues and resorting to lying or cheating.
This was the case for Christina who was previously in a long-term relationship with a guy who never let her express herself, he was very controlling and so Christina learnt to suppress her voice to avoid any verbal or physical abuse.
As an anxiety therapist in Dubai I helped Christina, she came to me asking for depression treatment in Dubai and relationship counseling in Dubai to make sure that she doesn’t have an abusive relationship again. As it made her question whether she could be in a relationship again.
- They don’t know how to say no – People who consistently lie or cheat may struggle to say no to others and so, they find themselves in compromising situations. It is a known fact that we want to feel connected or feel like we belong somewhere, however, by saying no to someone, a person may fear they are putting their relationship at risk, as saying no could be misinterpreted as rejection or rudeness. Additionally, we seem to be living in a time where “yes culture” is more favorable as it is often the path to better things like promotions at work. Always saying yes to someone can make others feel good but it’s not being honest to the person who means more to you, and honesty is key in healthy relationships.
This is something Samuel experienced both professionally and in his personal life. He was agreeing to things that he knew would put him in a compromising situation with his wife, however, he didn’t have the heart to say no to women who were clinging to him. He purposely gravitated towards women who needed help, who were financially poor or going through difficult times. This made him feel superior because by making them happy, he felt like he had a purpose in life and gave him a much-needed ego boost.
- Love the attention – If a person is feeling alone, lacking confidence or have always been overlooked in life because others were louder or more confident, they may develop attention seeking habits. This often means in relationships, having the love of their husband or wife isn’t enough so they seek out other people who shower them with attention and give them the attention they need to feel seen.
This came up in one of the individual breakthrough intensive sessions I did with a client Sean who was looking for confidence and an anxiety therapist counseling. He grew up in foster care and moved from home to home until he was finally adopted at the age of 10. Sean was never shown real love and never had much attention. Even though his adoptive family were loving, he wasn’t the only child and being the quiet one, he was often left to do his own thing whilst the children who were loud and obnoxious were given more attention. This turned into a constant need for attention, regardless of where it came from and who he hurt in the process – his inner child needed the validation that he was seen because he was overlooked so often as a child.
If any of what I have shared so far resonates with you, whether you are the person who is struggling to stop lying or cheating, or if you are the partner of someone who is a serial cheater or serial liar, I want you to know there are steps you can take to overcome this and rebuild your connection as a couple and enjoy a thriving relationship.