HOW TO REPAIR A RELATIONSHIP AFTER infidelity emotional, internet or physical CHEATING
For the relationship to work again, there needs to be first individual work for the cheating addict and then support for the couple rebuilding. The person cheated on also might benefit from some individual work to feel better about themselves. I will share more on these steps now if you want to save and strengthen your relationship after a cheating addiction.
Here are some things people who compulsively cheat can do about it:
Be honest with yourself – Admitting that you have a problem is the foundation of any recovery process. You have to confront that you are cheating, that the habit is destructive and not good for you. You may recognise that cheating is providing some temporary relief / benefit to you and that you have become addicted to that, despite all the negative consequences. To also acknowledge that there is some void, uncomfortableness, need for attention, that keeps you searching for recognition outside of you. Unless you get to the root of it and find healthy replacements to build your inner self, you may fall victim to the same or another addiction to escape, numb or fill the emptiness.
Take responsibility and be willing to take action to fix this addiction inside yourself. Most people I have spoken to believe that they can stop but they often can’t sadly. They get caught up cheating again and again, they can maybe go a few months or few years but end up in the same cycle and feel terrible afterwards.
To save your relationship you really must consider the impact that cheating has on a person and share that with your partner, a deep heart felt apology. Admitting I have sinned against you, I have wounded your soul, I have hurt you deeply. I have destroyed our trust.
Get better at communication – Building completely open lines of communication with your partner is important to rebuild shattered trust. Don’t be afraid to overshare with them. If you struggle with emotional sharing and feelings, it might be necessary to do a deeper dive into clearing any barriers to expressing your emotions, this I also cover in the breakthrough program where needed. One man could not give emotional support to his wife because he had never had it, he couldn’t give what he has never experienced so I helped him how to be emotionally vulnerable to share and to give his wife the emotional connection she needed. It takes practice, however once the root issues are uncovered and confidence is built it is possible.
Avoid saying “I don’t know” or “I can’t remember” as much as possible. So many men and women who are caught cheating for the second time, say I don’t know and it becomes so frustrating for the partner. If you really don’t know then seek them to get to the bottom and root of it. I help so many people who choose to come to me, not because their wife or husband told them too, but because they want to know why themselves. Taking ownership to understanding yourself is important.
Monitoring until trust is restored helps some couples. For example GPS tracking, shared calendar, giving passwords to phones, online banking, laptops, taking photos of people with etc, It’s up to you both to agree on this.
Become familiar with your triggers – People who start affairs do so as a reaction to something else. Examine your habits, your feelings, your reasons, any justifications you give yourself to cheat. What you feel before, during and after the cheating can explain a lot, so reflecting back on what you feel and think can help you break the habit. Also note how you feel about your partner, the relationship, yourself and future. What you think about cheating, sex, intimacy, your relationship.
If that does not give you the answers and you want to know why and your partner needs to know why to forgive and move on then bringing in professional help can help. Work with a certified professional to understand what makes you cheat repeatedly. People based out of Dubai can contact me for trauma therapy and inner child work to get to the root of their self-sabotaging impulses. People living in Dubai can contact me directly as an addiction counsellor.
As cheating and sex addiction can go hand in hand with other addictive behaviours, they may also need to be addressed. I have many people who only cheat when drunk, some get blackout drunk where they don’t even remember what has happened or where they have been. Others who sext when they are drinking alcohol and don’t remember. I have also seen people binge eat, smoke weed, shop online, gamble etc to change the way they feel and this has to also be worked on at the same time. Otherwise a person will stop one thing and pick up another if the underlying reasons are not addressed. I offer a variety of addiction treatment services in Dubai including addiction counselling. Once the person has worked enough on their recovery, then it is possible to work on the relationship or marriage with couples counselling dubai.
Work on your self-esteem this is often the primary reason Not all people who cheat have low-self esteem. Many are narcissists but they may suffer from low-self esteem too. Serial cheating can stem from low self-esteem or some other trauma but it is still an act that hurts their partner. If you are the partner of a sex addict or serial cheater, you are not required to stand by them while they hurt you. It is important to prioritise your well-being. If you think you are staying in the relationship because of issues like low self-esteem, you can work through them with a therapist in Abu Dhabi like me. It is brilliant if you and your partner decide to heal your relationship from their cheating addiction but it is not your job to change them. Your support can only work if they are willing to take charge of their recovery.
Reassasure, apologise daily most men and women I speak to who have been cheated on want to be reminded everyday.