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The first step in recovery of any addiction is admission of the addiction. Denial that the addiction is present. Denial that the person is in control of their urges or impulses or denial that the addiction is causing negative consequences, will prevent recovery. Denial is so powerful, no one wants to admit they cannot control their behaviour. No one also wants to admit that whilst the addiction brings temporary pleasure it is harming others and their view of themselves, often cheating addiction goes against a person’s moral values.
So many people addicted and well meaning therapists focus on the triggers. What caused you to do it, “I felt lonely / bored” “oh we weren’t having sex” “we weren’t getting a long” “I had stress from work” “I was drunk” “I needed a relief”
Looking at the triggers is helpful but not enough. Let’s take the analogy of a gun. The trigger on the gun is such a tiny part of the weapon right? It may have caused the explosion / problem behavior to erupt but what the focus really needs to be on is the wounding, the wounding that a person has from their past so that when a trigger happens the explosion occurs into behaviour that provides a relief but then negative consequences. It’s the rest of the gun that needs to be examined the ammunition inside it.
I have helped people break free from their addiction time and time again through a througher examination of their hurts, beliefs and decisions made about themselves and their life. Not everyone is willing to be honest, to look at their past or triggers. Often when the denial continues to exist the person ends up finding a different addiction or ends up repeating the same behaviour once the pain of discovery has worn off. If you would like to find out more about working with me or my breakthrough program for individuals, you can visit my website www.nicolabeer.com to read more or book a 20 minute introduction call with me.
In the next podcast I will share some tips on what cheating and sex addicts can do to break free as well as some tips for those who find themselves traumatized by their partners deceit and cheating addiction
As a certified trauma therapist, I get to the root of sex addiction with childhood trauma therapy for adults where I conduct inner child healing. I offer patients the chance to break lifelong compulsions with trauma-focused CBT for adults as a therapist in Dubai and Abu Dhabi.