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Another tough question people struggle with who have been cheated on is
How can I love myself and give them a second chance at the same time?
How can I say I respect myself and forgive them?
In these cases the men and women thinking like this are putting themself into a bind. It’s black or white, it’s love myself or give the relationship a chance. It’s not helpful to think about anything in black and white terms.
The key here is to love yourself. Be super kind and gentle with your thoughts about yourself, look after your mental, physical and emotional needs. Rest, recuperate, spend time with people that make you feel happy.
Then see what happens, see what actions they take. To they get help, are they showing you they love you, want you and are willing to make changes?
It’s for them to take the actions to reassure you and bring your relationship back to a point of safety and of course you will need to let them in at some point, once you have gone through the initial phases I spoke about in the beginning the roller coaster of emotions has to settle for you to see anything clearly.
So please take the pressure off yourself to make a decision that will affect your whole life. Do you need to decide now? Do you have to decide now? In most cases no, get support to heal and digest it first and see how things unfold. Of course if you know the answer and that answer is coming from your gut intuition listen to that.
Make a decision when you feel yourself again. That’s the best time, to see things clearly.
Often people think they are a fool, stupid to not notice, to trust blindly, to never question. Never put yourself down for this, it is a wonderful thing to trust someone you love, it is a loving caring thing to see the best in people and positive to expect the best and trust someone’s word. You are not a fool, you have the gift of love and an open heart. All self-attacking thoughts must go, listen to meditations and positive songs that you like to reset yourself into a happier way of thinking.
Cheating is always a choice and not a choice you had any control over. So do not allow yourself to go into self-bashing. Patience and kindness for your own recovery must be given to you by yourself and partner.
Low self-esteem can really hit people after being cheated on. Some feel that they are fat, ugly, looking old, others worry about their sexual performance, whether they are interesting enough and compare their bodies to others.
Definitely change this way of thinking, it makes recovery so much harder. I felt disgusting when I was cheated on, after the heartbreak I felt so down I looked at loads of different things to fix myself. I got addicted to the gym, barely ate and I looked so much worse for it, because I was running on empty. I then drank myself to sleep at night at the end of the day and again the pain hit me harder. One day looking in the mirror I began picking at my own body, this needs sorting out, my eyes look terrible, my hair is awful. I felt so low. To help me sleep I put on a self-esteem meditation and thankfully my higher self, my intuition, the part of me that loves me told me to stop this and remember who I really am.
I felt connected to myself again, knowing that I have a lot of love and gifts to share, that the way I am is perfect as it was how I was made and that being kind to myself had to be my daily focus.
From this so many things in my life shifted, you can go to my website nicolabeer.com to download my free self-esteem and confidence meditation
So this is my advice not because it worked for me, but because I have helped thousands of other individuals and couples move forward with peace, love and happiness. Some stay together and some decide they want to take a different path and need support overcoming their fears of being alone, hurting their children or making it financially.
tt’s important to share with you is that their will be triggers. It could be caused by a movie, a song, a friends comment, a date, the look of a stranger in a restaurant.
Triggers are normal and they are an opportunity. You may think that it is crazy for me to say that but they really are. They are a sign that you feeling pain, it’s an emotion in your body and mind that needs to be cleared, to be voiced, comforted, felt and released. It’s an opportunity to be curious, where does this come from, what do I feel that maybe I need to acknowledge.
Don’t for a minute think that because you got angry again or felt fear again that you have gone backwards in your recovery. It’s a journey and some difficult moments will crop up and they will go again and if you find its hard for you to let go and be yourself then do give yourself the gift of clearing the triggers.
If you would like to find out about my breakthrough program for individuals to clear unwanted thoughts and emotions like anger, sadness, hurt fear, feel free to find the information on my website or book a call with me. You can also do the same if you want to enquire about the couple program working 1 to 1 with me or the affair recovery audio program. Email or whats app works great and of course do feel free to join the facebook group.
From my heart to yours, Nicola – Counselor in Dubai for Relationships, Anxiety and Depression Counseling and Addiction Counseling – Also available on Zoom for those living outside of Dubai and Abu Dhabi
