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ADHD in ADULTS – Married to Someone With ADHD – ADHD treatment Dubai

Being in a relationship with someone who presents with symptoms of ADHD and possibly other mental health conditions can really test your love and connection to one another.

If you are married to or in a relationship with someone who has ADHD it can cause a lot of arguments, for example, they may come across lazy, selfish, demotivated when they aren’t able to prioritize the household chores like a person without ADHD would be able to. This might lead to you feeling like you have to nag them constantly to get things done or having to do things yourself and taking on all the workload of the house. As you can imagine, if not worked through it can become a huge weight and burden for the supporting partner.

From my many years of experience supporting couples around the world, I have noticed there are common patterns that emerge between couples where one partner has been diagnosed with ADHD.

I want to share the experience of ADHD in a relationship from both perspectives – from the supporting partner and from the partner who has been diagnosed with ADHD.

A supporting partner may experience the following –

  • Constant nagging and frustration present in the household.
  • They are taking control of the house and doing all the chores/ attending to all the bills.
  • They become the more responsible adult and may feel like they are looking after a child because the person with ADHD is not able to complete tasks or may flit from one task to another.
  • The sexual relationship is affected because they begin to feel resentment towards their partner and no longer want to be intimate with them. They become less attractive.
  • They argue constantly as there is a huge misunderstanding of why things are the way they are.
  • They may start to emotionally “check out” because they are tired, frustrated or just unsure where they are in their relationship or how they feel about their partner.
  • Feeling like they are not loved or feel alone in their relationship because one of the most common symptoms of ADHD is being distracted or not being able to focus, which can be interpreted as not showing attention to their partner.

A partner who has been diagnosed with ADHD may experience the following –

  • They may tune out conversations and may not be able to recall important information which frustrates them and can cause confusion.
  • They might begin to feel unloved or unworthy because they are constantly hearing negative things about the way they live life or behave.
  • Often people with ADHD can’t understand why they are different or see things differently compared to those around them, for example, wanting to constantly be busy and not understanding the importance of relaxing family time.
  • Getting overwhelmed easily because they like to keep busy but then struggle to complete tasks which can, in most cases, have repercussions – especially when it comes to work.
  • Tired of being corrected, parented, patronized and misunderstood.

When there is one partner in any relationship with ADHD it can feel like there is no end or relief, but I want to share my most successful techniques and tips that have worked for countless couples to manage the impact of ADHD on their relationship.

Most successful tips that help couples deal with ADHD and build a loving, thriving relationship

  • Get support -understand that treatment without medication is possible ADHD and ADD is not an inherited condition, contrary to the commonly held opinion. According to Dr Gabor Mate it “originates in early childhood stresses during the first years of crucial brain and personality development. Hence, change work to unravel family issues and issues with self-esteem is always important.” As well as this physical self care, exercise, nutritious diets, good sleep, hygiene, outdoor activities are all important.

Mindfulness practices, like meditation can be challenging to the ADD mind, however most find my meditations and hypnotherapy tracks extremely helpful.

Following my training in this area and the work of Dr Mate the processes I use combine all of these to help a person make changes quickly.

  • Incorporate practical things that can reduce household chores being a burden on the supporting partner – for example, you can split chores or household tasks between one another and then put a reminder on your phones. These reminders can be set with alerts and if the partner with ADHD can get easily distracted, you can set more than one alert so the task can be completed and not forgotten
  • Check in with one another regularly – as with any relationship, a couple who are dealing with an ADHD diagnosis may let feelings fester inside and this causes the person without ADHD to pull away. All this does is create more divide and nothing gets solved. I ask couples to have regular check ins with one another – whether it’s via text, a quick phone call, looking over a weekly schedule that is placed on the wall at home etc. This takes the burden off the supporting partner to keep reminding their partner of what is expected of them.

As with any relationship, when both partners make time to plan things together, and check in to see how each other feel, it reduces the tension and increases the love. You both feel more trusting and feel like you can both be more vulnerable with one another. There are less chances for misunderstandings when you are both checking in on one another.

  • Change the way you communicate – Instead of nagging someone with ADHD to get chores done, try and find unique or fun ways to communicate. I have had clients play games to see who can get the chores done or bills paid before the other person, with romantic rewards for one another. This keeps things interesting for the person with ADHD and relieves the burden of nagging on the supporting partner.

Use visual cues around the house to remind one another of what needs to be done, this can work well for families with children too.

  • Think the best in them and communicate with compassion and empowerment. If you have lost faith in them, they will feel that and may give up changing. May feel that the ADHD and ADD and often anxiety and depression that goes with it is not changeable and resort to feel hopeless.  


I do 3 day intensives to help people break free from the patterns and beliefs holding them back. Book a free chat with me to find out more.

If you’re not sure whether your partner has ADHD / ADD it is important to keep an eye out for the points mentioned above but equally as important, is the fact that some adults who suffer from ADHD turn to smoking weed, taking drugs, drinking alcohol etc to medicate, numb their symptoms.

Research shows that people with ADHD have lower levels of Dopamine, which is what we call the “happy hormone”, than people who don’t have ADHD. This is one of the reasons why people with ADHD can develop habits fairly easily. Remember ALL HABITS CAN BE CHANGED TOO!

  • Boost self-esteem It can be so confusing for the person who has ADHD to function when others around them function so differently, especially if they are constantly told they are lazy, wrong or being belittled. This is why it is vital you keep an eye out if you notice your partner is developing unhealthy habits and do what you can to boost their self-esteem.

Click here to read more about ADHD and HYPNOTHERAPY WORK I DO with or without a 3 day intensive breakthrough clearing out the past stressors that lead to ADHD and ADD

Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!