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The trauma of an affair can be painful

How long does the effect of an affair last I am often asked?

 

The reality is being cheated on can cause a traumatic response in a persons body. A trauma is where a person experiences a contraction in their body they disconnect from their body go into their head and are unable to be in the present moment. That doesn’t mean that everyone who is cheated on will experience trauma, some may feel hurt or angry and carry but do not feel a contraction in how they are and their body, these people suffer but are not traumatised.

 

It is not the event, whether the event is reading of explciit sex messages, seeing naked photos, walking in on them having sex or phone sex with someone, finding sex videos on their phone that traumatises people.

 

The trauma of an affair can be painful

 

 

The event of cheating itself does not mean a person will experience trauma. Trauma is how the physical body responds to the event. 

 

It’s where a person’s body goes into a state of shock, where a person disconnects with themselves and their body. Their body goes into a state of high stress and alertness, hyper villance (being hyper aware of everything) this happens because the person feels threatened and unsafe. This physically, emotionally and mentally drains a person.

 

Why am I highlighting this point because it doesn’t matter whether it is mirco-cheating or full blown cheating when a person’s body contracts and they disconnect from themselves and their body it will need to be healed and their nervous system needs to be calmed.

 

Some people also find that the cheating awakens other traumas of being abandoned, rejected, being left or feeling unwanted.

Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
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Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
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