One thing I have seen time and time again in my relationship counselling dubai is people who change themselves in a relationship at the beginning and then years later come for couples counseling because they are unhappy not being true to themselves.
When you think of a chameleon there is one main thing that will come to mind – it’s ability to change colours depending on its surroundings right? However, when you investigate the concept of change in a chameleon, you quickly realise it is so much more than just changing how it looks to match the surroundings.
According to National Geographic (2015) “Chameleons change colors to attract mates, regulate body temperature, or tell intruders to stay away.” San Diego Zoo supports this and explains “a chameleon’s skin changes colors in response to its emotions, such as anger or fear, changes in light, temperature or humidity.” The concept of an ever-changing chameleon can be extended to humans too.
Something we all want to do is fit in. In fact many people that come for counseling in dubai struggle because they don’t feel comfortable with the people around them. No one likes to feel like they don’t belong somewhere or with a group of people, so naturally we may bend the truth to please others and be accepted. This is often something we do when we first meet someone as we’re still figuring out what our relationship will be like with this person, so instead of having strong opinions and potentially offending them, we end up watering down our own feelings or opinions so that we can figure out what this person is about and whether we will get along.
The more we interact with the person, we begin to feel comfortable to be ourselves and tell the truth about what we think or feel. We work out how to communicate our truths in a way that the other person understands and no longer feel the need to hide what we think or who we are.
Read about childhood physical health and relationships here
I remember when I first started working in recruitment 22 years ago, before I started counseling in Dubai and online, I felt like for me to get clients to sign up with me, I would need to talk about their likes and dislikes to build rapport. However, over time I realized that the more I was myself, the more natural and better the communication went. As I was being honest and open about the way I worked, how I spent my free time, what made me happy. People appreciate a genuine conversation and if the salary was too low for the market I would tell them what type of skill set they could get for it, I told them when they were asking for too much and the more direct and to the point I became the more honest they were back with me. Which helped so much they stopped me wasting time on jobs that weren’t fully approved etc. It pays to be yourself and yet some people find it so hard. In fact a large majority of people that book the personal breakthrough program or couples counseling with me are people pleasers. They have been pleasing other people all their life, they no longer know who they are and what they want or like. They set out to impress, to win love and affection and in doing so lose touch with who they are. As they have not allowed themselves to be themselves and I will explain why this happens later.
Can you think about a time where you may have said you liked something and you had no clue what it was to fit in? Perhaps twisted the truth about your skills to get a job? Or maybe you’ve agreed to enjoying a particular food or drink to avoid being the odd one out? These are classic examples of trying to fit in with those around you as a response to how you feel and want others to feel. Just like a chameleon does. It often leads at some point to the couple seeking relationship counseling.
Growing up we all have copied our friends clothes, words, gestures and whilst this is natural for children as adults it’s crucial to be true to ourselves. What a chameleon does is beneficial to them and has its purpose, however, for humans, it is detrimental to healthy relationships in the long run. If you are constantly changing to match the others, you will lose yourself and most people become miserable after some time doing that. Why? Because their happiness is dependent on the other, they follow the other’s life, they lack confidence as they give up their own opinions and in most cases stop growing and if we look at nature, the law of nature is that anything that doesn’t grow dies. People who are a chameleon in a relationship sadly it often end up giving up their own happiness to make others happy and this is not a good way to live.
Additionally, being in a relationship with someone who has a chameleon personality, can be draining. At first you might be so happy, wow we get along so well, they like everything I like. They are easy going and do everything I say and are happy for me to make all the decisions. But after a while it can be tiring to be the one to lead, they also say yes but are resentful because they are often doing many things that they don’t want to do. If you are struggling with this do feel reach out to me for individual counseling in dubai or online.
In the couples counseling Dubai and online with the couples I support, all of a sudden after years of being in the relationship they have so much built up resentment or frustration they then stop and say NO – I don’t want this, I don’t like this, I am not doing that and the person is often shocked. Wow who am I in a relationship with, who are you? If someone is not sharing all parts of themselves in a loving relationship and only trying to please you can feel hurt and lied to. Tricked into loving someone false.
Often though with the many people pleasers I have helped to break the habit through my individual breakthrough program they don’t set out to hurt annoy their partner. They just are so used to wanting to make others happy to be liked they fall into things. It’s so important when I help them change to clear out the root triggers for why they started this behavior in the first place.
Read the next article Anxiety and depression counseling to find out more
Nicola Beer is a counsellor in Dubai offering couples counseling and relationship counseling dubai as well as individual couples counseling. Whats app her or email for information.
Do also watch the relationship transformation video, it will help you to know what to do to overcome your relationship challenges quickly
Nicola Beer is a couples counsellor in Dubai, anxiety therapist and offers life coaching certification programs. Here specialized areas are counseling in dubai, depression treatment in dubai, couples therapy dubai, relationship counselling dubai, hypnotherapy in dubai and anxiety treatment dubai