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Anxiety is one of the most common mental health conditions but is also one of the least talked about and understood. Someone suffering from anxiety will often require a lot of loving reassurance and understanding from those around them, especially a husband or wife.
It is important for all couples to remember that when a spouse suffers from anxiety, it is not something that should be taken personally. Many partners get upset thinking that the person who has anxiety is behaving a certain way because they do not trust them, believe in them or are being negative to ruin things. Sometimes a husband or wife may feel like this is their partner’s way of getting back at them, trying to annoy them– when in reality that is far from the truth. Often it’s multiple consuming worries and doubts that plague the person and they can often feel like they have no control over it.
I’ve discussed anxiety on other podcasts, today I really want to focus on helping couples where one person has anxiety to reduce the stress. So I am going to share some natural ways to help a spouse with anxiety and reducing the impact anxiety has on your marriage.
Researchers from the University of Queensland conducted a study on the levels of clinical anxiety, which involved more than 480,000 participants from around the world. The findings indicated that clinical anxiety was a prominent condition affecting a high percentage of people, regardless of which country they were from, highlighting the fact that anxiety is most definitely a world-wide concern.
With the Covid-19 breakout, lock down, social distancing and media obsession anxiety is on the rise. Daily right now I am having people share that they are experiencing panic attacks. Thankfully there are some things you can do to heal anxiety through natural means – especially with a little love and support from loved ones.
We often, subconsciously, clench our jaws or tense our shoulders when we are suffering from anxiety, so reminding your spouse to do simple exercises like jaw stretches, shoulder rolls or walks on the treadmill can do wonders for their body, as well as encouraging their mind to really let go of that anxiety.
It’s also a great activity to have a laugh over and do together – to let your loved one know he/she is not alone in coping with anxiety.
Often when someone is suffering from an anxiety attack, the last thing they focus on are simple things like breathing. Reminding someone to focus on breathing can greatly reduce the length and impact of an anxiety attack, so it’s always important to try and bring your husband or wife’s focus back on to their breathing by breathing slowly and calmly next to them. This can work better than telling them to breathe instead start slowly and loudly extending your exhale and inhale.
Additionally, practicing daily deep breathing together puts your body into a relaxed state – which in turn reduces anxiety levels. Deep breathing increases oxygen levels and stimulates the part of the nervous system that promotes a greater sense of peace and calm around the body.
It’s also a great activity to have a laugh over and do together – to let your loved one know he/she is not alone in coping with anxiety.
Helping a spouse during an anxiety attack can be difficult, especially if you are not sure what they need at that moment in time. One of the biggest things you need to remember is that this isn’t the time to ask your spouse questions – it is more beneficial to take some time out during the day, when your husband or wife is feeling calm, to discuss a plan of action when they are going through a difficult period of anxiety.
This ensures that you are respecting your spouse’s wishes when they are feeling their worst, but also giving them exactly what they need when they are unable to think clearly for themselves.
A plan of action is vital because it makes it easier on both parties not to have to worry about the other person when anxiety is high. One of the biggest worries in a marriage where one suffers from anxiety, is the fear of doing or saying something to make the anxiety worse, which then drives a wedge between the couple – both thinking they cannot rely on or support the other.
Studies have shown the effectiveness of Chamomile on cortisol levels which spike when someone is anxious.
Brewing a good cup of Chamomile tea is extremely effective on instantly reducing anxiety and calming the mind – this can be a great thing to incorporate in your night-time routine as a couple.
Vital rejuvenation happens to our bodies when we are sleeping so when we are not giving our bodies that time to rest, you will notice your immunity is affected which effects your mood and can bring on symptoms of anxiety.
Having a good sleeping routine can include some relationship building time before bed – giving both of you a break from your phones, laptops or TV bringing you and your spouse closer together and of course helping to reduce symptoms of anxiety. At least turn off screens an hour before bed.
As a person who wants to support their spouse deal with anxiety, it can be super helpful to do your own research.
Listening to or reading about other people’s experiences can give you a deeper insight into the world of anxiety. Just letting your spouse know you care enough to do your own research and really aim to understand their anxiety can be so reassuring to the person suffering. It can even bring a sense of calm knowing that you are not alone and if you have positive stories to share, they can give hope to your husband and wife through their dark time. Remember that at a deeper level anxiety is a call for safety and security; be it in health, finances, family or the relationship.
Anxiety can take over a person’s life, so they end up having very little quality time to dedicate to themselves. As a husband or wife, helping a spouse with anxiety, you can suggest giving a massage to help them relax.
Learn about the pressure points that target anxiety and be sure to incorporate them into the massage. You can even take online massage courses or learn about tantra – a great couples activity to bring you closer.
Recent studies have shown that being surrounded by or listening to sounds of nature can do wonders for your mind.
By going for walks with your spouse, surrounded by greenery, sitting on the beach listening to the sounds of the waves or by simply listening to the sound of water flowing through a fountain – all positively impact mental well-being and reduce the feelings of anxiety.
Another positive thing you can do if your spouse has relationship insecurities is work on the relationship together. Whether that is hiring a relationship coach to strengthen your connection, improve your communication or add passion to your sex life, all is possible under the guidance of a good mentor.
If you are unable to invest in 1 to 1 support getting an audio program and doing exercises together can also be beneficial; I have several on my website if that is of interest.
Feel free to schedule a call with me here.
One of the best and most effective ways I help individuals or couples with anxiety is through hypnotherapy positive affirmation meditations. These help to induce relaxation, a sense of calmness, confidence and peace.
On my website www.nicolabeer.com I have 2 available ones for free – self-confidence one and let go of the past and have a happy marriage. I also regularly create ones for specific anxieties or OCD’s those I work have and they can be easily given over an internet call, there has been so much research on the power of hypnotherapy for anxiety could be worth exploring this avenue.
A community of supportive, kind and friendly people can really make such a difference. Especially for those suffering from anxiety or aiming to help a spouse with anxiety. I have created 2 supportive communities recently and would love for you to join if this calls to you.
I have a relationship advice and tip group where I am giving support regularly throughout the week to members and I also have another group where I share my passion for dance and dance as a form of therapy and give free dance classes daily and 23 meditations inside the fb group – just search Vinana Dance Party to join for free 😊
Lastly and definitely not least show compassion by being loving, understanding and caring. This goes for all times a spouse may be struggling, whether that is with work, sickness, a family member, to maintain a happy marriage and reduce the strain stress, anxiety and sickness can have on your connection to one another ALWAYS show empathy.
I want to end by saying it is also so important to remember there is no shame in getting help when you are the one supporting a spouse with anxiety – this will make sure you are getting a chance to offload your stresses and worries to someone that you consider your safe space, whether it’s a friend, family member or a professional. This will help you be a healthier, happier partner in a solid partnership.
