As I mentioned earlier, people have affairs for a number of reasons and if a deep connection has been formed it will be more difficult to leave the other person. It is better for you to know exactly how your husband or wife feels about the other person, as difficult as it may be to hear, because it will tell you exactly what you are dealing with. If someone is willing to end an affair and work on your marriage you know there are steps you can take in getting over an affair, however, if they cannot leave the other person then it gives you two options – stay and work on the marriage with an expert who will guide you step by step into repairing the marriage and ruining the affair. I call this fight.
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The second option is flight to leave and work on creating a new life, rediscovering what makes you feel happy and alive again. The thing you want to avoid is freeze. Many Psychologists and behavioural experts talk about fight or flight, when actually there is a third response to emotional events and triggers and this is freeze. When people stay too long stuck, frozen they can lose themselves and also let the marriage fall apart further. Freezing for some can be falling into depression, over sleeping to avoid life or over eating. If you use food to reward, punish and process your emotions, you are not alone; do check out my full podcast show called emotions and eating with Nicola Beer on all the major podcast platforms. It has around 50 episodes to help you change your habits with food.