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How to Stop Being Codependent in Relationships / Codependency In Marriage

Read this if you want to know how to say no to your partner and change “whatever you want” to whatever I want”  

Overcoming codependency is simple in theory yet in practice stopping being codependent can be difficult, that is why codependency counseling is becoming more and more popular not just in the UAE and middle east but across the world. It means no more of ‘I give up me to be loved by you.’ If you are in a relationship where you always say and do what your other half wants then you can change that.  Too often people live in fear of saying No to their partner and they form a habit of give in to them all the time – to make their partner happy. The foundation to long-term love and happiness is where both in the couple look after each other, not where one is sacrificing themselves.


Codependency can appear in family relationships as well as marriage. Many parents give up their life to worry about and look after their adult children, at the sacrifice of their own life goals and dreams. Often in the codependency counseling sessions I find that the person displaying signs of codependency was actually codependent as a child. By that I mean they had to look after a parent, brothers or sisters,  and then repeat this in their romantic relationships later in life. Codependency counselling can really help with this to support someone to break free and start to love themselves.


Loving ourselves is simple again in theory, it means taking care of ourselves first and foremost and ensuring that our care for others comes from a place of inner abundance and a feeling of already being taken care of from within. When we put ourselves first and we are brave enough to say no to others our lives can begin to shift course. Many people struggle with loving themselves so every single person I help with anxiety counselling and treatment, codependency counselling and treatment, depression counselling and treatment in Dubai, Abu Dhabi and online I give them my self-love audio program. Which is a 8 week training to support them to start to putting self-love into action.


When we don’t put ourselves first and rather put our partners first and become dependent on their approval we are on a slippery road that has the potential not only for divorce but of a life of regrets. Codependency is an addiction, in that it is hard to stop despite the negative consequences. So if you do believe you have the signs and traits of codependency then you may find it hard to stop.


At the end of the day in order to be and give your best you have to start putting yourself first and change from ‘whatever you want’ to ‘whatever I want’ or simply saying “No” this is what we practice in codependency counseling whether I do it online or with me directly in UAE, I ask people to practice saying “no”. It might seem cruel but we all know that sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind and by putting ourselves first we will benefit everyone around us especially if we are enabling others. For example enabling others with their addictions, habits or getting away with selfish, aggressive or hurtful behavior.


If being yourself and going after what you want starts to cause cracks in your relationship, then relationship codependency counseling online or in person can help you work through this often complex codependence issue. In Dubai and Abu Dhabi where I work with people face to face we have weekly check in sessions where they like to share if they are on track from caretaking rather than caring, if the signs of codependency have stopped.


There are often several hurdles to overcome when a major change takes place within a relationship and having someone to support you can not only take the load off but also help you identify what it is you want and how to get it. As well as support to set the healthy boundaries I mentioned.  Many women and men who have been codependent in the relationship the whole time worry that they won’t be able to make the changes they desire. Yet it really is never too late to be the person you want to be and learn to say no.


Yes there are times when it is right and nice to put others first, but if this becomes a habit then the balance begins to alter in the relationship.


Think of it like this, imagine if your relationship is like a kids seesaw in the park, for it to work both partners have to move so that it goes up and down. If one person stops moving they will stay down and the other person will stay up. It’s like this in a relationship, for couples to keep moving both parties have to move. Keep moving and remember if something isn’t working be brave enough to face it and fix it. If your partner doesn’t accept and love the real you then getting some help could benefit you to decide the future of your relationship.


Be true to who you are and you will flourish.


The people who truly love, care and appreciate you will be there for you till the end.


In the meantime, I am here to support you just reach out to me if you have any questions about the signs of codependency or codependency Marriage counselling Dubai, Abu Dhabi or online.


Don’t look back with regret at what has already happened, its in the past but look forward with hope and optimism for a future built on mutual understanding and most of all unconditional love with your partners.


From my heart to yours, Nicola

P.S To get more support with relationships or to ask any questions at all on codependency counselling or couples counselling Online you can join a helpful relationship facebook group here or get the 7 secrets to fixing your marriage here

Mila TutorMila Tutor
07:10 25 Mar 23
I have worked with Nicola for some time now and have found her to be compassionate, kind, and extremely helpful. She has helped me a lot.
Riti SajitRiti Sajit
06:58 25 Mar 23
Nicola is a wonderful human 🤍 Thank you for helping me through my difficult time.Still living by your words and advice. I would definitely recommend anyone needing relationship counseling to try Nicola :)
Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!