Here are some things to consider first if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who tends to be unhappy, loves to complain and is generally turning positives into negatives –

1. What you can and cannot control – If you want them in your life aim to love and accept them as best you can without adopting the same energy and outlook. You cannot change their thinking for them, you can lead, inspire, encourage and share when you find their behaviour or comments too much.

   All you can control is yourself, what you focus your energy on and how you will create happiness for yourself. Also plan things that lift you, organize family outings, go out with friends or family and live the life you want. You may have a positive impact on your loved one too!




2. Understand the difference between anxiety and a negative mindset and depression – It is so important to make yourself aware of the difference between someone who suffers from anxiety and someone who is addicted to negativity –

   
   

   Negativity is anger at people, life, situations, being fed up, frustrated at others, blaming and seeing problems with everything. When I help people shift this I also notice a huge amount of self-loathing and low confidence present.

   
   

   Anxiety is worry and fears about health, finances, situations and wanting to safeguard and protect from further harm.

   
   

   If your partner suffers from anxiety or negativity, it is helpful to remember that their thoughts can be overwhelming and they are not deliberating choosing to ruin the mood or day. They may feel it’s impossible to change their mindset by thinking positively. I’d agree with them, telling oneself to think positively or focus on what to be grateful for is extremely difficult when the thoughts are hard-wired in the subconscious mind so they may need to seek professional help from a specialist who can help them with this to challenge and change their habitual negative thoughts.



3. Ask them to shift, change and improve their mindset alone or together – Having open and honest conversations is important and needs to be done in a calm, kind way focusing on the words, actions and how you feel. Asking for small behavior changes in a loving way will be better than complaining about their personality or suggesting they have a mental health issue. A peaceful approach tends to generate more positive changes than bringing things up in the heat of the moment.. You can reassure your loved one that you are there for them and what would make you happy and then be sure to ask for the changes they would like also.


4. Do not take their attitude or comments personally – It’s so helpful to remember that what a person says or does is often a true reflection of them and their experiences and you are not to blame or the cause. They are responsible for their happiness, not you. Also if they ignore your attempts to help them then that is because they may be comfortable in their misery or unhappiness and is not linked to how they feel about you.


5. Acknowledge their efforts – Remember, it is so difficult for people to change a habit of a lifetime so as a supporting partner, do not underestimate the impact of compliments or praise when your partner is showing they are making the effort to challenge their negative or unhappy thoughts. This could even be a night dedicated to celebrating them and their efforts to show your appreciation and remind them how good it feels to shift their focus.

• Get enough sleep – this helps reduce any risk of waking up grumpy, lethargic or moody. Listen to my podcast on sleep it may support you.
• Write down positive affirmations to read anytime you find yourself thinking negatively.
• Explore different mindfulness techniques that give you time to release negative thoughts.
• Pay attention to your diet – what you eat and drink can impact how you think and feel.
• Experiment with different types of exercise to find ones that you enjoy and that make you feel good.
• Be mindful of the people you surround yourself with – try to stay around positive people.
• Speak to a professional who can help you challenge your thoughts and change your life patterns.