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I often get asked how to deal with a Husband or Wife who is a narcissist or how to deal with a Husband or Wife who is stubborn and has to be right. Read on if this applies to you.
There are many things which can become an irritation in a relationship and one of those things is when one person in the relationship always needs to be right. It does not matter what the conversation is or even if you argue. The other person is wired to always fight they are right and there is nothing more frustrating than a person who does that because they can never be wrong. The same applies if you are dealing with a husband or wife who is stubborn.
You probably tried in the beginning to get your partner to see things from your perspective but as it seems to go in one ear and out the other you stopped. Dealing with a husband or wife that has to be right can certainly feel like nothing you say matters and you may have given up on talking with them all together when a disagreement occurs. Maybe you are both stubborn and this is harming your relationship?
Living a life with someone who is always determined to be right can be exhausting and can lead many to feel invisible. In fact feeling ignored in a marriage is one of the main reasons people come to me for couple counselling in Dubai and on online.
So, if you feel neglected in your marriage and unseen because your husband or wife is demanding they are right all the time, before you head down the separation or divorce route, there are some things you may want to explore.
Nicola Beer is a couple counsellor in Dubai and Online and also has 3 award winning audio programs: The Empowered Love Formula, Marriage Makeover and Self-Love Energy Toolkit.The marriage makeover you can check out here https://training.nicolabeer.com/audio-program-1
How to deal with a Husband or Wife Who Is a Narcissist / Stubborn Or Has To Be Right
Do not engage with your partner when they are stubborn won’t listen or are aggressive
When your partner is constantly trying to tell you that you are wrong, or always insisting they are right, this is a sign they are trying to bait you into a debate. This is how your partner may function or feel like things are normal for them because this is the way they are used to discussing things. Often it comes from the environment a person is raised in. If your husband or wife had a parent who always had to be right or were taught that being wrong is a sign of weakness, they may have learned never to give up on an argument. Some people also just love debates and arguing, I’ve even had a few clients share that this is how they show affection and their playfulness by debating topics. To them it was fun or humourous but for most people it’s torture arguing all the time.
Then there are men and women that like to create drama. Does your husband or wife always create drama? Most of the time behind the drama queen or drama king way of living is a deep need for attention. Often an unmet need from childhood, so they create drama to be seen or to test their partners love.
No matter the reason the truth is you don’t have to engage with them on wanting or having to be right all the time. In fact if you do you will be making a rod for your own back, as the expression goes. By that I mean if you start to give in all the time and engage and entertain it, you will find it harder and harder to create the much needed change in your marriage.
Most of the time the need to be right and to make someone else wrong comes from the ego mind. All the time I get asked how to deal with an egostic husband or wife. Dealing with an egostical husband or wife is not easy. As it often is is not even remotely close to drama created about the facts. To help you and the relationship, if you are not interested or bothered about the topic do not engage in the debate or argument, don’t react. This can sometimes be the start of them changing. If you are struggling to change things in your marriage and one of you or both is stubborn, do check out the marriage makeover designed to help you connect better, communicate better and change this:
Start setting boundaries in your relationship
For a partner to always insist they are right and you are wrong is a clear indicator that they like to be in control. Sometimes they may be even attempting is to get you to doubt yourself. You will need to learn to be firm with your partner especially if you have taken the decision not to engage with them in their argument.
For example you may want to say something like “ I feel upset, because it feels like you are disrespecting me. I’d rather talk to you when you will listen and take on board my opinion.” If they continue to barrage you with why they are right and you are wrong, you may need to leave the conversation (literally) and refuse to engage in it. As there is never an excuse to be disrespected. They will most likely come after you and try to get you to engage but if you really want to create change you will need to be able to stand your ground. If they tell you that you are wrong, you can simply reply saying that is their opinion and they are entitled to that, just as you are entitled to yours.
Do not feel like you need to defend yourself or justify how you feel. By being able to stand your ground on things like this, the partner will hopefully soon get the message that their behaviour is not going to get them the results they are after. In the couples counselling abu dhabi, dubai and online work control issues are always at play with stubborn a husband and wife.
By standing your ground and not giving into their behaviour you are helping yourself break the cycle they have created and help the relationship to change and develop.
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Consider Relationship Counselling and Marriage Coaching
Looking for help from an outside source in the form of private relationship online or in person counselling can help to put the situation into perspective for both sides. The input from an impartial third party can bring welcomed points of view. It’s helpful because when someone is constantly being told they are wrong or made to think that, that person can tend to doubt their own thoughts and perceptions so a new perspective and take on the situation can make things clear again.
It can also be helpful for the partner that always thinks they are right to help readjust their behaviour because being told something by a third party can have a different effect on the person as opposed to it coming from the partner always trying to be heard. I had a man recently that came for individual counselling in Dubai to change his need to always be right. He had a difficult childhood with a step dad who always had to be right and prove he was wrong, he couldn’t accept being wrong and fought his wife all the way until she was ready for divorce. This realisation and more importantly actions to change it really helped him. He now has on his phone and lap top the slogan “Is it more important to be happy or to be right?” Changing this has enbabled them to become closer and have a deeply passionate relationship again like when they first met. He never wanted or believed in counselling but knew nothing would change by itself.
If your partner refuses to get help or doesn’t believe in counselling and therapy then don’t be quick to dismiss it for yourself. It can be a vital support if you are feeling deflated or want help to define and stick to healthy boundaries you create. A good relationship counsellor and coach can help you install new habits that can benefit the relationship and also help build your self-confidence. Because working with an online relationship therapist when you go through this can provide the vital reassurance you may need to know that you are not in fact always wrong and support you to feel strong and wise again.
If you are not ready yet or don’t have the funds to speak to get a relationship counsellor for marriage then check out the marriage makeover audio program here it has 21 audios that will take you step by step to change your relationship…
Identify if you are dealing with a narcissistic partner
The term narcissism and narcissist husband / wife is constantly being banded around these days to describe men and women who are controlling, self-centered and obnoxious. More and more people are beginning to wonder if their husband or wife is a narcissist. In fact I would say not a week goes by without someone asking me in my couples counselling Dubai and online
How do I deal with a narcissistic husband / wife? Or how can I get my narcissistic husband or wife to change?
In the counseling they will tell me that they have read online about narcissism and are concerned their husband or wife is a narcissist. By far the greatest request is to how if it is possible to change a narcissist. Personally I don’t like to deal with labels when I am counselling people to transform their relationships. I instead like to work with the behaviours because if you are worried that your husband or wife is a narcissist and you read the online checklists, for sure you are going to find boxes they tick, because there are so many boxes and so many traits under the label. I get women and men I support to list out the behaviours that are causing them trouble in the relationship and then one by one we look at dealing with these in a forward focused approach. I do not believe in traditional marriage counselling that has two people focus on the past, where they sit down and bring up all the marriage problems. Talking about marriage problems without actions doesn’t work. Learning new ways to connect and communicate does – this is what I cover in my marriage makeover program and my free webinar
Marriage Makeover Program
Just because your partner always likes to be right, doesn’t mean they are a narcissist.
The most common description of a narcissistic behaviour is someone who is incapable of seeing things from another person’s perspective. They also constantly need the admiration of other people to feel good. This is why they may act excessively and always insist on being right. If you are dealing with a narcissist wife or husband then it may be more difficult to convince them to change their ways.
However I like to look at the reason why they are behaving like this. If someone is so needy they need to have attention and admiration and cannot bare to be wrong, it’s likely they are wounded or hurt in some way. It’s there wounded self that is hurting you and when we view it from a compassionate stand point we stop fighting and start moving forward and deciding do we want to wait for them to deal with this or support them if they allow you to help or is it time for you to part ways. Only you know that answer and can make that decision but speaking with an online couples counsellor or therapist can support you to explore all options and act as a thought partner to help you gain clarity.
The first thing I do in my individual or couple counselling in Dubai and Online is help boost my clients self-esteem and support them to get be the best version of themselves they can be. Relationships should make us feel more than rather than less than. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not the way to live for anyone.
I have a gift for you… if your looking for more help with this check out my free marriage secret masterclass which is an hour and 15 minutes long that focuses on how to save your marriage online and how to deal with a husband or wife that is a narcissist / has to be right
I hope you enjoy.
Nicola Beer offers individual and couples counseling in Dubai in person and marriage counseling online either 1 to 1 or through her award winning marriage saving audio programs – most popular is the Marriage Makeover Program you can check out here