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Dubai Counsellor writes about Imposter Syndrome Feeling A Fake or Fraud

Nicola Beer runs life coaching certification and relationship coach training certification and one of the main areas she helps with is imposter syndrome.   

I’m sure we can all think of few situations in life where we have doubted our own abilities, questioned whether we were suitable to do something or felt undeserving of something. This is totally normal to have a passing fleeting thought. However, for some, it goes a lot deeper. There are situations that bring out feelings of being fake or a fraud – to the point where the person is in a constant state of anxiety because they fear they may be caught out for being an imposter or feeling like they have to constantly reach a certain standard in the eyes of others, so they continue to perceive them as this great person. Or they have this ideal to be perfect and anything they do that is not perfect they feel I’m a fake, I’m going to lose it all.   

The standard Imposter Syndrome definition is “the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don’t belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.” (Cuncic, 2021).  

Over the years, as a Dubai counsellor and life coaching certification trainer, I have worked with many individuals who felt like they were experiencing these feelings of Imposter Syndrome. I can think of one particular case that really stood out to me – Adam who found me after searching for anxiety treatment in Dubai and Dubai counsellor.  

Adam was a 38-year-old married man with two children. He had started a business and from day one things weren’t going great as he had spent more money setting up than he had initially set out. This meant he essentially started off in debt. Nonetheless, he opened his business and on the outside, it seemed like everything was going well. He had people all around the world praising him for his ability to start a business from scratch and he became the envy of a lot of people around him. He had this reputation of being this young businessman living his best life.  

Soon enough, he realized that there was more going out every month than they were earning and 2 years later, Adam had no option but to close. However, instead of telling his friends and family that the business didn’t succeed, he decided to say he is moving location so that they would continue to think he is this successful businessman.   

But deep down he was torturing himself – he thought he had got the respect and praise from others by pure luck and didn’t want to disappoint anyone. When in reality many people were closing down businesses due to COVID – but he couldn’t see this. All he could focus on was his inability to run a business and letting people down. He felt like a phony and would torture himself with these self-sabotaging thoughts of “I don’t deserve any respect or support”.  

Once COVID restrictions eased up, Adam was able to plan a reopening of his business and even though he was starting over – which a lot of people couldn’t afford to do – he couldn’t let himself feel proud of his accomplishments. He was constantly anxious about failing and spend an unhealthy amount of time focusing on what he can do to make this business a success. He always felt like he wasn’t doing enough or what he was doing wasn’t good enough compared to others. He worked around the clock, unable to stop for fear of losing everything.   

This impacted his marriage because he spent a most of his time and efforts in proving himself as a business man as he couldn’t internalize the fact that he was becoming more and more successful each month and was capable of running a business. Rather than spending quality time with his wife and the family he stayed at the office. He also had a fear that his wife or children may find out that he wasn’t good enough – so felt he had to keep up the presence of everything was perfect, even though some days were not good days. His family did not have negative thoughts about him – it was all scenarios he had thought up in his mind because of his insecurities.  

This is a classic case of Imposter Syndrome. It is a constant internal battle – making excuses for why you’re not good enough and putting yourself down constantly or scaring yourself by telling yourself you can lose it at any moment it’s all down to luck.   

Also it’s harder for people who experience Imposter Syndrome to be open about what they feel because they already worry about others finding out that they’re not deserving or not good enough to do what they do – so by talking about it would only bring unwanted attention to it.   

Sometimes it can also be reinforced sadly by others who judge and may throw comments like “you have had a lucky break, don’t be too complacent”. Or be careful you are in a risky industry you could easily be let go or lose it”  The difference is someone with imposter syndrome will take this seriously and worry, another person who feels good in themselves will hear such a comment and laugh it off.   

Today, I want to share what the typical characteristics of Imposter Syndrome are and how this can impact relationships. I will end by sharing my tips on how to release these tense feelings.  

A person who experiences Imposter Syndrome will relate to some, if not all of the following characteristics – (you can learn more about this one on one with Nicola or take life coaching certification course with Nicola Beer and you will also complete a relationship coach training )  


  • Feeling like you’re not good enough/ lack of self-confidence – No matter how successful a person is, Imposter Syndrome will make a person feel like they got their successes by luck and they are not truly deserving of them. Making them feel like they’re not actually good enough to reap the rewards or call themselves successful.

  • Fear of being judged or not living up to expectations – Often people with Imposter Syndrome will find themselves constantly people pleasing and outdoing their own work so that there is no room for judgement. As they feel like frauds, they don’t want to be found out as not meeting expectations or judged for not being capable.

  • Negative self-talk – Regardless of the great comments they receive from others, people with Imposter Syndrome will always talk down to themselves. They will not allow themselves to be proud of their own work and will always think negatively about themselves. Whether it’s comments like “you don’t look the part” “you don’t fit in” or “you don’t deserve this award” “you can’t run this business” etc – these kinds of comments are constantly running through a person’s mind when they think they are not good enough.

  • Comparisons with others – With Imposter Syndrome it’s hard for a person to see the good in themselves but they will always think others are doing better than them. They will always compare themselves to others and think that they will never be as good as others are. Which again will lead to more negative thoughts and fear of being judged.

  • Anxiety – All of the characteristics above can result in severe anxiety. Constant obsessive and intrusive thoughts lead to being on edge all the time – lack of sleep, lack of appetite and so much more which can cause heart palpitations, excessive sweating, dizziness and more. 

With the characteristics above, it can be hard to maintain a healthy, reciprocal relationship. It can feel like being in a one-way relationship when you are with a person who suffers from Imposter Syndrome purely because they are so consumed with negative thoughts about the way they look or their abilities that they are never their true self in their relationships.   The feelings of being inadequate can spread to other parts of relationships too – for example, not feeling attractive enough to be naked around your husband or wife, not allowing yourself to be intimate with your husband or wife because you fear being judged on your performance in bed or how you look. It is also common for people who experience Imposter Syndrome to be so consumed with negative thoughts that it affects their sex drive and lowers their libido. They may become so uninterested in home life because they are focused on their next move and what they need to do in order to meet the expectations of others.    Feelings of being an imposter or a fraud can be so difficult to address because Imposter Syndrome is such a mentally draining experience. It is hard to turn your brain off when thoughts are just going around and around out of fear and insecurity.   Thankfully, there are a few things that you can incorporate into your daily life if you find yourself feeling like you can resonate with the characteristics of Imposter Syndrome and you notice that it is negatively impacting your relationship.  

  • Share your feelings with someone you trust – For someone with Imposter Syndrome this can be a huge challenge because you will have to drop your guard a little to share your true feelings with others. But start off small. Let the person you trust with this know that you have things you want them to support you with, but you are going to take your time sharing so you need them to be patient with you. Honesty is key here and you can really make huge steps when you are able to offload some of your irrational thoughts with someone you trust.
  • Take time out to be with yourself and journal – Start writing down your thoughts and challenge yourself to change that train of thought. For every negative thought, try to write down two positive thoughts. Even if you don’t believe it at the time, when you continue to repeat positive affirmations, you are able to retrain your mind to think differently. Also it helps so much to write out your thoughts instead of letting them fester in your mind where they can escalate unnecessarily.
  • Practice Mindfulness – When you are dealing with Imposter Syndrome, you may find that you are never fully present when you are around others because you are so anxious about being judged or considered a fraud that you are always thinking and not paying attention to what others are doing or saying to you. Practicing mindfulness will help you to be more present – it will support you letting go of the obsessive thoughts and genuinely listen to others.
  • Seek a Dubai counsellor or counseling online.  Speaking to a Dubai counsellor or online, coach and hypnotherapist who can help you let them go at the subconscious level – With anything that is related to your mind and obsessive thoughts, it can be draining trying to overcome it alone. Chances are you have already thought it over enough. By taking a life coaching certification course  you will be able to understand the characteristics of Imposter Syndrome better and learn the best techniques suited to your lifestyle to make your life healthier and happier for you. 

I currently offer a 3-day Intensive Breakthrough and life coaching certification course where I support clients in processing their past, releasing trapped emotions and tension, and reframing situations so that they can truly become free.    Clients who have completed the Intensive Breakthrough with me have said –  “The breakthrough sessions with Nicola are incredible, transformative, lightening and enlightening. The three initial sessions are comprehensive, well-structured and life-changing in themselves… and with the materials and follow up sessions provided, you are really set up for success.”  

“I have completed the breakthrough intensive sessions. It really helped me find ways to deal with emotions such as anger, guilt, fear in a better, healthier way. It also helped me with my confidence. It’s hard for me to open up but talking with Nicola made it comfortable and easy to do so. I’m grateful for doing the session with Nicola and for all her help and support.”   If you can resonate with any of the characteristics of Imposter Syndrome or you would like to talk through your own situation in more detail, book a free call with me so we can get you on the path to freedom from your negative thoughts.   Nicola Beer also runs life coaching certification and relationship coach training certification. whats app +971 509454233    References for quote –

Mila TutorMila Tutor
07:10 25 Mar 23
I have worked with Nicola for some time now and have found her to be compassionate, kind, and extremely helpful. She has helped me a lot.
Riti SajitRiti Sajit
06:58 25 Mar 23
Nicola is a wonderful human 🤍 Thank you for helping me through my difficult time.Still living by your words and advice. I would definitely recommend anyone needing relationship counseling to try Nicola :)
Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!