If you have retroactive jealousy

No matter what the reason is behind feeling insecure or anxious about your partner’s history, there are things you can do to work through these feelings of retroactive jealousy and build on a healthier and happier relationship.

1. Ask yourself is this fact or am I assuming?

Whenever a thought comes up or a situation is discussed with your partner about his/her past, take a few moments to write down your thoughts and then identify whether the things you are thinking are actually true or you are assuming things. More often than not, as the situation occurred in the past, thoughts are assumptions or made up. It is so important to remind yourself that whatever happened is the past, your partner is with you now.

2. Build your own confidence and self-esteem

It goes without saying that a more confident person and a person with high self-esteem will experience less jealous or intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, when someone is lacking confidence or has low self-esteem, they struggle to think that they are worthy or their partner’s love or find themselves comparing their relationship to their partner’s ex partners. When you feel confident and love yourself, you realise how deserving you are of love and that you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone from your partner’s past.

P.S. I have a confidence and self-esteem boosting meditation that you can download for free here – Self-Confidence Meditation.

3. Work on healing from your past experiences

In some cases, people who struggle with retroactive jealousy may have experienced a difficult childhood, where a parent was absent, were spending more time away from the family or seemed to be happier for or proud of other children rather than their own. These experiences can lead to a more jealous, paranoid and insecure adulthood. It is so important to work through your childhood or teenage experiences with a trained professional as these difficult experiences really can impact the way we perceive things and how we handle adult relationships.

Do visit my website to book a call with me if you are ready for some relationship counselling online or in Dubai to shift old ways of thinking about yourself and the relationship.

If your partner is struggling with retroactive jealousy…

And are struggling to let go of your past, I know it can be incredibly difficult to figure out what to do. Using my experience as a relationship counsellor Dubai, I have put together a few tips on how to support your partner through their doubts and concerns.

  1. Remember, this is not an attack on you

I know it can be tiring having to justify your actions, keep going over your past relationships and having to answer questions to ease your partner’s obsessive thoughts, but remember this is not about you – it about needing to feel save and secure.

the way your partner is behaving is more of a reflection of what is going on with them and often their past experiences. As a partner, remind them you are there for them and will support them through this so you can both have a happier relationship.

  1. Incorporate small romantic gestures into your daily life

As much as this is something your partner has to work through, you can use it as a reason to make the effort and do those little romantic things that can have a huge impact on someone’s self-esteem. For example, paying them compliments to help build their confidence, spend quality time together and be their support when they seek professional help.

  1. Take time out for yourself

It is so important to take time out for yourself. It can be draining when supporting someone through retroactive jealousy or any jealous thoughts for that matter as you may feel nothing you say or do is working. Making time for self-care is essential. Ensuring you are looking after your mind, body and spirit will help you and the relationship. Do as much as you can to help them feel safe and secure and at the same time ensuring that you do not lose yourself.


It is so normal to experience some level of jealousy or have the odd jealous thought now and then but when you notice these thoughts are becoming more and more frequent or are impacting your behaviour and relationship in a negative way, it is time to start making conscious changes or seek professional help if your thoughts seem out of control.

If you or your partner are struggling with retroactive jealousy, feel free to book a free call with me to see how we can help you move forward, towards a healthy and happy relationship. Click here to book a call –Relationship Strengthening Call.