Therapy for Cheaters – Saving A Marriage After The Affair
How To Handle Infidelity in Marriage & Getting Past The Affair By Nicola Beer In this I want to cover how to deal with infidelity in your marriage if you have cheated. As one of my most popular programs is therapy for cheaters who have cheated on their husband or wife and need some guidance as are overwhelmed not knowing how to deal with infidelity in marriage.
There are many steps a husband or wife who cheats, is cheating or has cheated needs to go through to get back the peace and sense of normality after the affair. I will cover the top 20 reasons people book my therapy for cheaters.
Saving a Marriage
The first step is to decide do you want to save your marriage? If you are not sure and having doubts saving a marriage is going to be extremely difficult as your spouse will sense whether you are in the marriage, still undecided or out but you haven’t got the courage to say so.
In order to decide it’s important to look at what you need from a relationship to be happy. When I work with someone I go through the top 20 relationship needs and have them identify what there top 7 are that makes them feel loved, happy and attracted to their spouse. We then assess can your partner give you that or not?
If you have decided yes saving a marriage must become a priority for you, it cant be left until your work or family life is less hectic, it needs action.
Getting into ACTION
No amount of begging, pleading and talking after the affair will convince your husband or wife that you won’t cheat again. This is multiplied if you have also when given the chance to tell the truth after the affair and failed to do so.
Here you need to clearly demonstrate to your husband or wife that they can trust you. Getting past the affair requires trust, commitment and patience. Apologising, showing affection, giving attention and allowing your partner to vent and ask as many questions as they like.
The biggest mistakes I see cheaters making after the affair is they spend too much time either analysing themselves, sitting on the fence unsure what they want or who they want or taking action in half-hearted attempts.
Having a clear plan when saving a marriage to make getting past the affair possible is needed. It lays the foundation for long-term marriage happiness and shows your husband or wife you really want to make amends for the hurt and pain you have caused.
Therapy for Cheaters
Often people will come to me asking about therapy for cheaters or if I know of a cheater support group.
Getting past the affair is much easier if you have some guidance and a thought partner to talk through all the questions with rather than leave them circling around in your head. After the affair it is possible to go from confusion to clarity quickly if you work with someone who is focused on how to deal with infidelity in your marriage.
If you are wondering if therapy for cheaters could be right for you or are stuck searching for answers to many deep questions I am going to share the top 20 things I get asked.
Therapy For Cheaters – The Top 20 things that I get asked:
- Why have I cheated on my wife / husband when I am totally against affairs?
- Why do I find myself scrolling online for people to sext with?
- Why do I find it hard to give up flirting?
- Does my sexting and affair mean I am a sex addict?
- Is my cheating a sign of a middle life crisis or low self-esteem?
- Did I have the affair to sabotage and ruin my happiness?
- Why did I risk everything I care about for someone not important or right for me at all?
- Will my wife or husband ever get over it or has too much damage been done?
- How can I calm my husband’s or wife’s anger and resentment, I’m being attacked all the time?
- How do I know what I want, I’m confused?
- How do I get my partner to trust me again?
- What do I do if I love them both?
- I never thought I would cheat, have I become a different person?
- Why did I lie to my husband / wife again when they asked for the truth?
- Why can’t I end the affair?
- How can I get over the hate for myself and what I have done?
- Is it possible to be sexually attracted to my wife / husband again and to get the passion back?
- How long does it take for a person to heal after the affair?
- I want to ask my wife / husband for an open marriage how do I do that?
If you have deep questions like any of these they unfortunately won’t go away by themselves and can get in the way of saving a marriage if that’s what you know you want to do. Finding someone you trust to talk through your concerns with, that understands affairs will not only bring you peace, it will also give you the best chance of happiness and get out of any crisis mode.
Therapy for Cheaters At Request of Spouse
Sometimes the therapy for cheaters I do is at the request of the betrayed spouse. Where a husband or wife will want to send their partner to me to either deal with the root issues that led them to cheat, to assess whether they have depression or to step up and take action to help the marriage.
This is where I guide the cheater on ways to repair the relationship. If this applies to you, you want to make sure you put in effort to make your husband / feel special. There is a lot of actions you can take and they need to be matched to the person but if I had to sum it up here is what I would recommend:
Actions For Saving A Marriage After The Affair
- Make a heart felt apology
- Be romantic, show them you want them
- Be patient, understand they may need to ask the same questions repeatedly at first
- Take responsibility for the affair instead of blaming
- Be completely transparent about the past, as the marriage needs honesty to thrive
- Allow them to track and see your phone / social media etc until they are comfortable
- Be extra kind and loving with your words, give genuine compliments
- Make time for them and give them attention
- Be consistent and do what you say you will do; it builds trust
- Do get support whether that is work on yourself if there are patterns that need to be changed. As well as support for your marriage with actions to rebuild trust, clear the past and get into actions to create a new relationship. This is how to deal with infidelity in your marriage.
If you have any questions about saving a marriage, rebuilding trust affair the affair and how to deal with your infidelity in your marriage please do feel free to book a free 20 minute getting past the affair call with me using this link
You can also check out my Marriage Saving Audio System here to get started straight away.
Nicola Beer is a relationship and anxiety specialist who has a passion for helping couples after the affair to become closer and happier than ever before. Getting past an affair is not easy but with the right steps it is possible; email Nicola your questions here nb@nicolabeer.com