Join the Facebook Wellness and Relationship Group and Get Valuable Live Sessions and Tips with Nicola Beer

Therapy for Cheaters – Saving A Marriage After The Affair

How To Handle Infidelity in Marriage & Getting Past The Affair By Nicola Beer In this I want to cover how to deal with infidelity in your marriage if you have cheated. As one of my most popular programs is therapy for cheaters who have cheated on their husband or wife and need some guidance as are overwhelmed not knowing how to deal with infidelity in marriage.

There are many steps a husband or wife who cheats, is cheating or has cheated needs to go through to get back the peace and sense of normality after the affair. I will cover the top 20 reasons people book my therapy for cheaters.

Saving a Marriage

The first step is to decide do you want to save your marriage? If you are not sure and having doubts saving a marriage is going to be extremely difficult as your spouse will sense whether you are in the marriage, still undecided or out but you haven’t got the courage to say so.

In order to decide it’s important to look at what you need from a relationship to be happy. When I work with someone I go through the top 20 relationship needs and have them identify what there top 7 are that makes them feel loved, happy and attracted to their spouse. We then assess can your partner give you that or not?

If you have decided yes saving a marriage must become a priority for you, it cant be left until your work or family life is less hectic, it needs action.

Getting into ACTION

No amount of begging, pleading and talking after the affair will convince your husband or wife that you won’t cheat again. This is multiplied if you have also when given the chance to tell the truth after the affair and failed to do so.

Here you need to clearly demonstrate to your husband or wife that they can trust you. Getting past the affair requires trust, commitment and patience. Apologising, showing affection, giving attention and allowing your partner to vent and ask as many questions as they like.

The biggest mistakes I see cheaters making after the affair is they spend too much time either analysing themselves, sitting on the fence unsure what they want or who they want or taking action in half-hearted attempts.

Having a clear plan when saving a marriage to make getting past the affair possible is needed. It lays the foundation for long-term marriage happiness and shows your husband or wife you really want to make amends for the hurt and pain you have caused.

Therapy for Cheaters

Often people will come to me asking about therapy for cheaters or if I know of a cheater support group.

Getting past the affair is much easier if you have some guidance and a thought partner to talk through all the questions with rather than leave them circling around in your head. After the affair it is possible to go from confusion to clarity quickly if you work with someone who is focused on how to deal with infidelity in your marriage.

If you are wondering if therapy for cheaters could be right for you or are stuck searching for answers to many deep questions I am going to share the top 20 things I get asked.

Therapy For Cheaters – The Top 20 things that I get asked:

  • Why have I cheated on my wife / husband when I am totally against affairs?
  • Why do I find myself scrolling online for people to sext with?
  • Why do I find it hard to give up flirting?
  • Does my sexting and affair mean I am a sex addict?
  • Is my cheating a sign of a middle life crisis or low self-esteem?
  • Did I have the affair to sabotage and ruin my happiness?
  • Why did I risk everything I care about for someone not important or right for me at all?
  • Will my wife or husband ever get over it or has too much damage been done?
  • How can I calm my husband’s or wife’s anger and resentment, I’m being attacked all the time?
  • How do I know what I want, I’m confused?
  • How do I get my partner to trust me again?
  • What do I do if I love them both?
  • I never thought I would cheat, have I become a different person?
  • Why did I lie to my husband / wife again when they asked for the truth?
  • Why can’t I end the affair?
  • How can I get over the hate for myself and what I have done?
  • Is it possible to be sexually attracted to my wife / husband again and to get the passion back?
  • How long does it take for a person to heal after the affair?
  • I want to ask my wife / husband for an open marriage how do I do that?

If you have deep questions like any of these they unfortunately won’t go away by themselves and can get in the way of saving a marriage if that’s what you know you want to do. Finding someone you trust to talk through your concerns with, that understands affairs will not only bring you peace, it will also give you the best chance of happiness and get out of any crisis mode.

Therapy for Cheaters At Request of Spouse

Sometimes the therapy for cheaters I do is at the request of the betrayed spouse. Where a husband or wife will want to send their partner to me to either deal with the root issues that led them to cheat, to assess whether they have depression or to step up and take action to help the marriage.

This is where I guide the cheater on ways to repair the relationship. If this applies to you, you want to make sure you put in effort to make your husband / feel special. There is a lot of actions you can take and they need to be matched to the person but if I had to sum it up here is what I would recommend:

Actions For Saving A Marriage After The Affair

  1. Make a heart felt apology
  2. Be romantic, show them you want them
  3. Be patient, understand they may need to ask the same questions repeatedly at first
  4. Take responsibility for the affair instead of blaming
  5. Be completely transparent about the past, as the marriage needs honesty to thrive
  6. Allow them to track and see your phone / social media etc until they are comfortable
  7. Be extra kind and loving with your words, give genuine compliments
  8. Make time for them and give them attention
  9. Be consistent and do what you say you will do; it builds trust
  10. Do get support whether that is work on yourself if there are patterns that need to be changed. As well as support for your marriage with actions to rebuild trust, clear the past and get into actions to create a new relationship. This is how to deal with infidelity in your marriage.

If you have any questions about saving a marriage, rebuilding trust affair the affair and how to deal with your infidelity in your marriage please do feel free to book a free 20 minute getting past the affair call with me using this link


You can also check out my Marriage Saving Audio System here to get started straight away.

Get Started

Nicola Beer is a relationship and anxiety specialist who has a passion for helping couples after the affair to become closer and happier than ever before. Getting past an affair is not easy but with the right steps it is possible; email Nicola your questions here

Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!