When you read up on narcissistic behaviour you quickly realise that the way your partner reacts to things or how they treat you is no reflection on you whatsoever – everything they say or do is a reflection of them and their deep-rooted issues. This doesn’t make their behaviour okay, but it does help to remind yourself of this when you are at the end of one of their rants or attempts to put you down.

Arming yourself with knowledge, case studies and scientific facts about narcissism and being with a narcissistic partner, you automatically have the upper hand. This means when you approach subjects with your partner, you learn how to adapt your conversation so that it doesn’t make them feel insecure or threatened. You also understand that you really have to know yourself and love yourself so that nothing your partner says or does can affect you deep down.

Take some time to figure out what you are willing to work on and what parts of your relationship you are definitely not happy with. This will help you to set your boundaries and also enables you to plan what to do or how to react in different situations with your narcissistic partner. For example, if you know they have a tendency to put you down when you accomplish something at work, celebrate yourself first when it happens, share it with people around you that would be happy for you and mentally prepare yourself for the potential reactions from your partner. This way you know what to expect and know that their reaction can’t change how happy you are at your successes.

No narcissist likes to lose control of any situation so they may act out when they realise you are setting limits to how much information you share with them or how much you let them affect you. In order to counter this, have reactions prepared – if they are talking down to you, walk away, if they try to stop you from doing something say you will talk to them when they are feeling calmer. Do not rise to their taunts.

Living with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be really draining and can distort the way you see yourself. In order to counteract these low feelings, you need to think carefully about the people you surround yourself with. Are your family members or friends understanding, supporting and do they boost you up when you need it the most?

Some people come from families that possess narcissistic traits so it can be really easy to slip into an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. However, if you find that this is the case for you, get the right support! Whether you choose to go down the professional route or with close friends that you can trust, open up to and speak about your experiences, do not be afraid to speak up. This will also give you the opportunity to learn what healthy relationships look like from others.

Lastly, you need to get your partner the help they need to let go of or overcome their narcissistic ways. This is going to be the hardest part of staying in your relationship, but it will be fruitful if your partner complies and works through this with you.

Remember a narcissist will never want to admit they are in the wrong, they need help or that they have things to work on, so it is better to get the support of a professional who can guide you in how to support them best. Avoid saying to them you are a narcist, selfish, egotistical as they will probably shut down. Successful couples who overcome issues as a team, will say to them that they both need to make changes in the relationship and would they consider joint coaching to make the relationship better. This is how I help men and women with a narcissistic partner because the likelihood is they will not listen if you try and educate them on their behaviour whereas they may accept guidance from an expert to save the relationship.

If this is something they do not want to do and you can no longer stay with your partner as they are, then it might be time to start planning to leave.