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How To Stop Burnout Without Quitting or Taking A Vacation Workaholicism, Exhaustion and Fatigue

If you have ongoing stress or heavy demands, whether it is work related or personal stress, and you notice you are feeling exhausted, your energy is depleted, you zone out a lot and find it difficult to focus – you may be experiencing the lead up to burnout.


Burnout is the term we use to describe mental, physical and emotional exhaustion which can happen due to prolonged periods of stress, over-working and ongoing demands. This can be because of stresses at work, demanding bosses and tight deadlines that are difficult to meet. It can also be (as it was in my case) extreme pressure you put on yourself because you are a high achiever and want every day to achieve so much.


Once you’ve reached the state of exhaustion, it’s common to struggle to think clearly for some, where on the weekends and evenings you just want to sleep when you are not working and have little energy for outings or relationships.


Some people can go so deep into it that they lose motivation to get tasks done and lose all interest, they still do things but don’t enjoy it anymore. I’ve got to this point before when I was in the corporate world, I started to dread my phone ringing. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my work, inside I just wanted to scream – just leave me alone. If it has reached a point where you can no longer  stand your work or function properly then it’s important to make changes as soon as possible. As not performing or functioning can add further stress.


I worked with a Private Equity Managing Director once who was so burnt out, so angry and stressed all the time – he shouted at all his staff. Then they would leave and he would have more stress having to hire and recruit a new team. Sadly it got to the point for him where his body gave in, the emotional negative environment he was living in made him so unwell he had to have 3 weeks in hospital. His body gave up on him in many ways. After that, he flew to Dubai to do the 3 day breakthrough and we restructured his whole way of working, released his need to have a zero inbox, to be a perfectionist and to let all self-criticism go. I choose this topic as it can severely hurt a person and of course have a massive impact on a relationship.


A study was carried out by job recruitment site “Indeed” on employees in the US to explore the impact of burnout on different groups of people and was aimed at comparing the results of burnout in different sectors before COVID and in present times. The results were very eye opening


  • 52% of participants were expressing symptoms of burnout in 2021 – which is nearly 10% increase since the study conducted before COVID.
  • Age ranges influenced levels of burnout too – 59% of participants, that were classed as Millennials, were the most affected by burnout.
  • However, for the older generation, also classed as Baby Boomers, 31% reported feeling burnout in 2021.
  • Understandably, 67% declared an increase in burnout during the global pandemic and an impact on mental health.
  • Not surprisingly burnout in people managers increased from 27% in 2020 to 35% in 2021, according to a recent Gallup report. And millennial managers saw the biggest increase in burnout this past year with 42% reporting workplace tiredness and stress;     



However, burnout is not just work related, anyone who is experiencing stress for long periods of time and aren’t able to tap out and recharge themselves can suffer from burnout.


Eric contacted me as he felt his wife, Christine, was showing signs of depression and he wasn’t sure how to support her. However, in my first conversation with Christine it was clear that she was experiencing burnout. Christine shared –

“I wake up tired. I don’t get enough sleep because the baby is waking up every 3 hours and doesn’t sleep through the night, then when everyone is awake, I have to sort out breakfast, lunch, dinner, get the house sorted, make sure the two older kids have everything they need for school.  I can’t sleep in the day very well and now my husband is working from home he is loud talking to his team and so I can’t relax in my own house.  I’m stuck in a rut. My husband wants to have friends over on the weekend, the kids want to do activities but I can’t do much and I feel guilty. My husband has no empathy for me, he is fed up that I am tired all the time, I can’t help it and I don’t believe in letting a baby cry out he does.

He keeps suggesting I go to the gym or yoga or get my nails done, he doesn’t understand that if he gave me that 1 hour or 2 hours to myself I would just want to lie in bed and rest in peace.”


Sadly, Christine isn’t alone – According to a poll carried out by Meredith and The Harris Poll, 63% of women shared that they felt like they had already completed a full day’s work just by sorting out their family in the morning. Additionally, 48% of women reported that their symptoms of burnout were keeping them up at night too – which added more stress and exhaustion.


Whether mums are stay at home mums, working mums or entrepreneurs, there is always a huge risk of burnout because of the additional stresses of running a family home, contributing to the finances and being a wife/mother. On top of all of this there is a huge case of mum guilt.


According to online magazine Good To Know, a recent study highlighted the following statistics – 


  • 78% of the participants shared their feelings of guilt
  • 68% shared that they felt guilty at least once or twice a day
  • Reasons for feeling guilty included not spending enough time with the kids, not doing enough activities with the kids and not being able to afford things.
  • 61% of participants also compared themselves to other mums.


This shows that mothers feel a range of pressures – personal, professional, and financial. Mum guilt truly is real! This includes wanting a break but not being able to have a break without feeling guilty or not being able to afford childcare.


Although there are cases where fathers are the primary caregiver, a lot of studies point towards the mother bearing the brunt of all the child related responsibilities – regardless of whether they were working mothers or stay at home mums which adds to the feeling of burnout.


This of course must apply to men who are hands on parents, that share the responsibility or take on more of the childcare responsibility – just there are less studies in this area.


I want to stress here that burnout is not just a term we throw around for someone who is simply feeling tired or slightly stress, it is used to describe someone who is experiencing chronic stress (stress over a long period of time) and struggle on a mental, physical and emotional level.

The World Health Organization have recognized burnout as a syndrome that is now included in the International Classification of Diseases. So, if you can relate to anything I have discussed so far, I hope the following information helps.


Psychologist and author of “Mommy Burnout” states – “people experiencing burnout suffer from fatigue, cynicism, lack of motivation, headaches, chest tightness, stomachaches, nausea, hair loss and even increased crying.”


This supports the idea that burnout is much more than just normal stress, it has a much deeper impact on physical and emotional wellbeing.


In fact, according to “Science of People”, burnout has the following impacts on your brain –


  • It enlarges the amygdala which is the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions – which is why people who experience burnout find themselves crying more, feeling moody and restless.
  • It thins out the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for cognitive functioning – even though this is something that happens as we get older, in people who are exposed to prolonged periods of stress will experience this quicker than others their age without burnout.
  • Memory and attention span are impacting, making it harder to hold information or learn anything new.
  • Brain scans of those who experience chronic burnout, show similar brain damage as those who have experienced trauma.



Ok so we know the science behind burnout, however, it is just as important to understand the causes of burnout.


The most common causes of burnout are –


The most common causes of burnout are


  • Being overworked – We can all handle a few days or even months of being overworked, as long as we know we have some down time coming up, however, for those experiencing burnout – there is no end in sight. It is ongoing stresses without time to recharge so you are running on empty and as explored earlier burnout has a direct impact on your productivity levels too.


  • Imbalance of input and rewards – If you are doing above and beyond in everything you do, it can be difficult to maintain the motivation and drive to keep going without any reward. For example, the parent taking on more of the childcare responsibilities can experience burnout and get no recognition because everyone expects them to do it. It can lead to feeling unworthy, exhausted and withdrawn. The same is for an employee who takes on extra responsibilities and overworks but then doesn’t see the fruits of their labour.


  • Lack of support or close relationships – One of the best things about having close ones around us is being able to lean on them when life gets tough, so, when you do not have a close support network or loved ones around you, you will find yourself keeping everything in and like anything that keeps building without a release – you will find it hard to function. The sad thing about burnout is that the stress, tiredness and inability to switch off from work makes people isolate and they lose connection with their support network overtime.


  • Lack of sleep – Sleep is the best way to allow our bodies to recharge and replenish our energy. If you have work playing on your mind, fear, anxiety and reliving past events or dreaming about bad things happening you will of course suffer the next day. If you are not getting a full night’s uninterrupted sleep, it will most definitely impact your productivity and your mood.


This is one of the biggest reasons why parents experience burnout as often, with small babies, it is not physically possible to have a full night’s sleep.  Not having that chance to recharge or relax, builds up the pressure and stress levels. Some parents do well do divide it, for example one person does 4am onwards and goes to bed early say at 8 or 9pm and the other parent does 9pm to 4am and then sleeps from 4am to 11am or whenever they wake up. I have seen that work for couples.

  • Persistent negative thoughts about self, others and the world – When we are constantly thinking negatively about ourselves, our work, our purpose, or life, our energy will be drained. Focusing on negative and what is wrong will bring anyone down.


When we feel low, we feel lethargic, we have no drive because the world seems gloomy, and any traumatic past experiences will keep cropping up because they are triggered by things that are happening now. For example, if you grow up being told you’re not clever or worthy of good things and then your boss calls you in for a meeting to discuss your work – even if they have shared good points, you will focus on the things you can improve on and feel like you can’t cope, and you may live in fear of losing your job. Feeling like this over a long period of time with no release can cause burnout.

  • Check for hormonal imbalances and get your blood tests done.


If any of these points ring a bell for you and feel like you are experiencing at least one of these symptoms, you may find it helpful to understand the 5 stages of burnout. Which I will share in the next podcast and what you can do about the 5 stages of burnout.


Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!