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How to End a Relationship with a Narcissist and leave peacefully

Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never easy as you are taking away their control. As well as someone they possibly got their power and security from or can manipulate, for these reasons they will do whatever they can to keep you. But with the right support you can break free.


Firstly, I want you to think of this statistic – on average, it takes a person 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship. 7 attempts! This is because when someone fears their partner is leaving, they may use guilt, put downs or emotional blackmail to keep them. If you have decided to leave a narcist or emotionally abusive partner then I have written some steps below for how to end a relationship with a narcissist. So that you can hopefully have a smooth, peaceful and least destructive exit which is what I focus on when I help men and women to leave, build themselves up and create a new life.

Do not discuss your plans to leave

I would never advocate being sneaky or hiding things, but as with any abusive relationship, being with a narcissist means you shouldn’t disclose your intentions to leave until the day you leave. This is purely because you do not want to be manipulated into staying or fear that they will do something to prevent you from leaving or harm you. This is especially the case if children are involved, it is important that you send the children to their friends or a family member so that they do not witness the outburst from your partner when you tell him or her you are leaving.



Keep documents safe

Something that has come up for clients I have worked with before is that their narcissistic partner has hidden their passport when they informed them that they are leaving. This scared my client into staying and their relationship became more and more volatile. Then in a heated argument later he ripped up her passport completely making it more difficult to leave the country they were expats in.

By removing your personal documents from the house before you tell your partner about your intentions to leave, you prevent yourself from being dragged back into the situation. In worst case scenarios where you can’t access documents like your passport beforehand, do not risk your life by staying. There are always alternative ways to retrieve them.




One of the biggest factors that keeps people in narcissistic relationships is lack of funds. It is always a good idea in any abusive relationship to either open up a private bank account and put money in there each week so that you have  money when you leave, or keep money with a trusted friend who can hand over the cash once you have left.


Do not let yourself feel obliged to stay because you feel like you can’t be financially secure without them. You mental wellbeing comes at no cost. Also countless people I have supported find when they take that leap the universe opens up new doors and provides for them in ways they could not have imagined.


Seek professional help

Planning to leave a narcissistic partner can be mentally draining. It is so important to seek professional help when you can. Whether that’s before leaving or after you have left, do not feel ashamed to say you need help. Sometimes you need the help of a professional to reorganize your thoughts and emotions as narcissists have a tendency to really break you down to your core and leave you feeling vulnerable.


Cut all contact

Once you leave a narcissist will do everything and anything in his or her power to get you back – this is not only out of love or care, but because they want to regain that control over you so the best thing to do is to cut all contact. Block and delete numbers, social media accounts etc that are linked to him or her. This prevents you from being bombarded with attempts to bring you back into his or her life.

Of course this is not possible if you have children together. Then if you can have contact through mutual friends willing to take that role, parent’s or arrange for contact through legal channels. Again, this minimizes any contact you have to have.


Be prepared for the outbursts

When a narcissist has no access to you, they may try to slander your name to those around you in the hopes of getting a reaction. Instead of reacting to this, share your experiences only with people that will support you. Do not be ashamed to ask for support from them by asking them not to share anything with you or pass on any messages if your ex contacts your loved ones– do not be ashamed to share what you need. Speak up because firstly, it will help those around you support you better, secondly, you may encourage others to speak up who are in similar situations and thirdly, they can be prepared for the volatile or aggressive reaction from the person who may have previously portrayed themselves as an angel to your family and friends.


Find yourself

When you have been with a narcissist it can be really easy to lose yourself in the relationship and his or her narcissistic ways. Take some time to focus on you and really find yourself again. Figure out what you love to do, learn how to love yourself again and spend time doing activities that make you feel good about life. Create a plan of where you want to go and then take small steps towards it.

This is also a good time to work through your experience of being with a narcissist as it can be quite traumatic. You may find yourself experiencing symptoms of anxiety, low self-esteem, emotional eating or post-traumatic stress disorder, so definitely take time to address the things your body is trying to heal from.

Whether you decide to stay and work on your relationship with a narcissistic partner or you want to leave peacefully, it won’t be easy. However, I hope today I have given you some helpful tips on how to achieve either outcome.

I have helped countless couples work through narcissism as well as individuals who want to leave their narcissistic partners, so if you feel you want more personalized support then please book a free 30 minute session with me so we can work out how to support you better.

For more relationship support please check out the facebook group I have created to support one another through these difficult times

Book a free 30 minute consultation with Nicola

If you would like to explore what the relationship and transformation programs look like you can book a free 30 minute consultation with Nicola Beer.

Mila TutorMila Tutor
07:10 25 Mar 23
I have worked with Nicola for some time now and have found her to be compassionate, kind, and extremely helpful. She has helped me a lot.
Riti SajitRiti Sajit
06:58 25 Mar 23
Nicola is a wonderful human 🤍 Thank you for helping me through my difficult time.Still living by your words and advice. I would definitely recommend anyone needing relationship counseling to try Nicola :)
Mihaela BotnariMihaela Botnari
12:54 17 Mar 23
Thank you for destroying my relationship. My partner reached out for support and you advised him that there is nothing for him to heal and that he should send his girlfriend for therapy, like this is your place to tell him. I’ve been through therapy myself and I know how to make the difference between a good therapist and someone who just wants to get more money, and the second seems to definitely be your purpose!
Helen HHelen H
19:13 10 Nov 22
Nicola’s support and advice proved invaluable when my marriage was struggling. Over a series of meetings (online and fact to face, to suit our needs), Nicola helped steer us through a very difficult time. She was always calm, neutral and never made us feel like we had failed or had ‘messed up’. Nicola has a wealth of experience and keeps up with current research, but has a very unique approach to getting you back on track. With regular support materials and just being there, she helped us realise that our relationship could go on; by making us look at ourselves and helping us consider the tools we needed to move forwards. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived such a difficult time without Nicola’s expertise. I often listen to Nicola’s podcasts on Spotify when I’m needing a bit of extra support. Thank you, Nicola
Justin LossJustin Loss
13:23 30 Jun 22
Nicola has been a massive help. I had tried traditional counseling and it had seemed to be moving me further away from what I wanted. After listening to several of Nicola's podcasts I decided to reach out to her. The discovery call was enlightening and she described a process that was more focused on creating a better future vs reliving the pass. From there I went through her Breakthrough Program...All I can say is Wow! Her program and guidance has quickly changed my mindset which has in turn improved all my relationships and overall stress level. I highly recommend working with Nicola and can't thank her enough for her help and care.
Ciaran CarlisleCiaran Carlisle
22:16 23 Jan 22
My partner and I spent a number of sessions with Nicola discussing our relationship difficulties, both together and one on one sessions. She has been so good to talk to - incredibly helpful and understanding with our problems.My partner and I have come out of this with a better understanding and move love for each other. Nicola has taught us many techniques to use in situations were we feel at odds which has been fantastic. We would recommend Nicola 100% for relationship advice.Thank you so much again.
Loida Delgado-PerezLoida Delgado-Perez
03:09 22 Jan 22
Nicola's marriage counselling have been life changing for both my partner and I. The learnings have been exponential and have transform us individually and as a couple. We reached out to Nicola at the lowest point of our relationship and about to break apart. Her compassionate and smart yet practical advice and exercises transform us in such a way that we are now at the best we've ever been personally and as a couple.As a result we've decided to get married and book Nicola every year for a couple's check in! I couldn't recommend her sessions more to anyone feeling stuck and wanting to be in a better place. Best investment of time, money and effort EVER. Thank you Nicola, you are an inspiration to me and many others :)
Christianne KaddoumChristianne Kaddoum
17:19 20 Oct 21
The hours I’ve spent working with Nicola have been the most valuable of my life.I now feel equipped to do things differently. It’s been the most liberating and empowering experience and I’ve learnt things that will stay with me forever.Through the excellent help from Nicola, it is now possible for me to have a different and healthier approach to various situations.She has professionally helped me to consider my perspectives in a way I hadn’t before.I can finally begin to reframe my life experience and see them in a whole new light.Thanks Nicola!